The Big Five Personality Traits
Features of the personality of a human consumer
Probably, it is difficult to find a person who has never encountered manifestations of consumer attitude in his life: someone experienced all its charms on personal experience, becoming a victim of a consumer , someone just watched from the side. But admitting that you yourself are a consumer is much more difficult.
This is usually reported by others who are tired of constantly trying to use them.
To understand why your husband is so infuriated by the role of the eternal breadwinner , why the wife is offended by the lack of attention and respect on your part, believing that you treat her, as a thing , and for some reason, in general, a well-bred child has not learned to say gratitude, you should thoroughly understand the problem.
What does consumer attitude mean?
Modern society is often accused of adherence to the cult of consumption: an increased level of social well-being is often externally manifested purely as a satisfaction of consumer needs.
We start collecting things because we can afford it, and if an item falls into disrepair, without hesitation, we throw it away and buy a new one - again, because we can afford it!
A lot has been said about the negative aspects of this phenomenon, but everything is not so scary as long as we are talking about inanimate objects, which, whatever one may say, are created in order to be used. Much more serious concern is the use of the same principle in relation to people: the victims of this approach, determining the nature of their feelings, often say that they feel like a thing.
A human consumer uses another person as a resource, not caring about his feelings and not trying to give something in return. If the victim realizes that somewhere there is a catch and cannot continue this way, he will try to break the connection with the consumer as soon as possible.
But, unfortunately, it is not always possible to assess the situation objectively, and it is not uncommon for a person to live his whole life side by side with the consumer - suffering, suffering, but continuing to eat a cactus like a mouse from the notorious anecdote. Sometimes indignant aloud, sometimes silently worrying (and then the absence of claims on her part will be the mainthe consumer's argument if he wants to justify his behavior in the eyes of others).
Consumer attitude towards men
In a patriarchal society, the function of the head of the family is traditionally assigned to the man, while the woman is subject to his decisions. It would seem that a man gets a very privileged position, but there is also a downside to the coin: such social roles gradually erase the personality traits of a wife and husband, driving them into a clear framework of patriarchal standards.
It is in such families that both sides most often suffer, and the tragedy of a husband usually lies in the fact that he is perceived mainly as a source of income, domestic comfort and family well-being, and not as a living person with his own emotions, needs and desires. Unfortunately, love in such marriages is either initially absent, or quickly fades into the background and gradually fades away.
At a certain stage, the husband begins to understand that his role in the family is reduced mainly to material support.
It's good when a man has the opportunity to give his wife an expensive gift or pay for a family vacation, but it's not okay if:
- in return he gets absolutely nothing and never;
- all gifts and surprises are taken for granted;
- a woman's reaction to the absence of another expensive gift is expressed in resentment, irritation, misunderstanding;
- communication with her husband comes down to one-sided reproaches and demands ( you owe, this is your duty , the man pays for everything , etc. .d.).
In this situation, the husband must understand whether he is ready to endure such an attitude towards himself all his life.
Unfortunately, it is difficult to re-educate an adult, and if a certain scenario has been put into the head of a wife since childhood, in which there is a place for consumerism, but there is no place for mutual respect, support, sympathy and personal responsibility, it is unlikely that it will be possible to change her approach to the issue with using conversations, requests or quarrels.
However, sometimes such a view of the male role in relationships is developed by a woman already in marriage, since the husband is the first to treat her as a consumer - deprives the right of an advisory vote when making important decisions and requires unconditional implementation of typically female functions (parenting, housework, etc.), thereby forcing them to treat themselves in a similar way.
Consumer attitude towards women
Many husbands do not even notice how much they treat their spouses as a consumer, creating conditions in the family that are more typical for slave-owning relationships than for love ones. Such men absolutely do not care about the mood of the wife, or her relationship with others, they do not seek to help the wife in solving everyday problems and issues. The main thing is that there is order at home, food is prepared, and children are brought up, and that's it.this should be done without male involvement as much as possible.
Their wives can endlessly complain on forums, to their friends over a cup of tea or in the psychologist's office about their detachment, indifference and lack of understanding on the part of the spouse, but conversations with the hero of the occasion as a rule, they do not bring a positive result. If a man sees in a woman not a person with his own convictions, habits and desires, but a slave who must put her life to fulfill his whims, it can be very difficult to achieve an adequate attitude and respect for himself.
And this state of affairs is not always due to the social status or high salary of a man (although these factors, of course, often affect the intra-family balance): cases when a husband who earns an order of magnitude less than his wife and has much more free time, all equally strives to shift all household chores onto her, they are met all the time. Quite often, the foundation for such an attitude is laid from early childhood, because not all parents are able to understand in time that they are raising a consumer.
What to do if a child shows a consumer attitude towards people?
Why does a child become a consumer?
Largely through the fault of the parents, who prefer to see their baby more obedient than proactive. As a result, the infantilism instilled in childhood persists for many years. If your son or daughter, at the age of one, treats his parents (and any adults he contacts with) as a source of benefits, there is no point in blaming the child - being at an early stage of development, he still does not realize where and at what cost these blessings.
But if this situation is repeated in a more conscious - kindergarten, school or even adulthood - this is not normal.
Therefore, it is advisable from the earliest years to leave the children space for independent decisions (even at the minimum level that is accessible and safe at their age) and give them the opportunity to help parents so that the exchange of benefits is two-way. Thus, you will be able to instill in your son or daughter more important values than consumer values - they will be able to appreciate the importance of mutual assistance and compassion, learn to show respect and gratitude.
With regard to specific responsibilities, they are determined by the circumstances: at an early age it can be feasible help to parents around the house, in adolescence - a part-time job (in order to have pocket money earned with his own hand). This is the only way to overcome the egocentrism inherent to some extent to every child.
It is very easy to spoil children, because they tend to take any manifestations of attention and care for granted. And if the parents feel guilty for some reason (for example, they worry that because of their work they devote too little time to the growing child) and regularly try to buy off with gifts, the kid will quickly form an appropriate perception of the family as a group of adults who are obliged to please him always and in everything, regardless of his own needs and external circumstances.
The problem of consumer attitude to life
Growing up with the idea that any person should be considered primarily as a source of life's benefits, the child consumer experiences serious problems in his adult life in communicating with friends, relatives and colleagues. This is how women appear who will not even look at a man if he does not start filling them with expensive gifts or proves his high social status, and men who assign women the role of domestic servants.
It is almost impossible to change a formed personality (rare exceptions only confirm the general rule), therefore, children should be taught from childhood to go beyond consumer values.